Honoring Grace

Grace,
Dear Grace,

Your definition is multidimensional.
Are you a word twisted and turned to keep me allowing wrongs?
Are you a word telling me that I must rise above the ill of others?
But what about the expense of me?

I want understanding and forgiveness to come from my heart,
not from the fear of a fall from grace.

I give grace to my birth mother. I see how she lowered the levels of abuse in our lineage.

She removed us from the grandfather who would use and abuse us,
but she only knew the love of abuse.
I give her that grace.

But locking up voices, colors, humans without even an explanation—
is there grace for that?
Is there grace for a side full of evil?

I wonder…
Did evil invent the word grace just to take advantage of women,
to bend and break our generous and loving hearts?

I wonder…
Do men strive for grace?

For times when I have judged,
let me see my ill intents and wrongdoings reflected in the actions I receive.
Let me trust that my karma is clearing as my authenticity and light grow stronger.
Let me forgive teen me.
Let me show grace to broken, drug-addict me.
Let me forgive the me that was raised to survive,
to crawl out of the dark,
to forge a path alone.

In times I forget how far I have risen and grown,
let me be reminded of the truth of my life
and the tenacity and power it took to get to where I am now.

Let me see your grace in all the gifts of my life.
But I do believe, also, that I am worthy of these gifts—
and that is your true grace.

Your grace is not “kindness without merit.”
It is an understanding in the truth of humanity and in survival.
Grace of oneself is the true source of love.
And so it is the truth of you.
And so it is.